Relentless Pursuit

“Desire is the key to motivation, but it's the determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal that will enable you to attain the success you seek.”

Mario Andretti

I’m finding an ugly pattern in my life. I want to be someone who is always learning and growing, so one thing try to be diligent at is setting goals, short-term and long term in my life. I always start out extremely motivated about these goals. But what I’m finding is somewhere, somehow during the pursuit of my goals (not all but some) I inevitably run out of steam. Perfect example. I desire to be a runner, not just a casual “I can run a mile” runner, definitely not the hard core “I can run 13 miles in 1 hour” runner either, but a runner. At some point in my life I have the desire to run a full marathon. Call me crazy, but it’s a HUGE life goal of mine. I thoroughly enjoy running-when I stick with it. I love the challenge, the stress release, the energy it gives me. I love being able to zone out, breathe in fresh air, watch beautiful country sunsets in the early evening…Next weekend I’m running my second mini-marathon. To be honest, I’m nervous, a little sick to my stomach actually. Somewhere around Mid-August I ran out of stream with training. My husband likes to give me a hard time for it. I could rattle off a ton of excuses; it got super hot, it was very time-consuming, I was training alone… Bottom line-I was not relentless in my training commitment. My pattern reared its ugly little head; even though I had a tremendous desire and motivation to reach my goal I lost focus. I lost steam in the day to day, week after week, month after month, journey. I forgot about what it takes to reach the end result. I got discouraged. I WILL complete the race next weekend, but it will undoubtedly be painful and nowhere near as enjoyable or as fulfilling as it could’ve been had I trained harder and longer. I definitely will not run it as fast I as could have.

I see this same pattern in my spiritual journey sometimes. My greatest desire, a deep soul burning desire, is to know God. Not a knowing that understands all there is to understand, or has the answers to every question, because that’s not possible. But I want to be intimately connected with Him. More than anything else in my life, I want my life to reflect Him, to overflow with Him, to point to Him. I want to be firmly secure in an understanding of who I am in Him. If I do nothing else with my life, that is what I want to be remembered for; a woman who walked closely with God. There are so many times when I have the desire to know God, but I seem to run out of steam or drop off in my determination to daily seek Him. I’m sure you can relate. Yes, this Pastor’s Wife has moments when I realize I haven’t prayed much recently or find myself trying to remember the last time I read my Bible. I even have times when I have the desire to pray or spend time with God, but I seem at a loss of what to say or what to do, digging for energy yet finding none. My focus gets off track so easily. I lose focus of seeking to truly know God and instead spend time focused on learning more information. I’m starting to recognize that when I run out of steam in my spiritual journey, it is because I’ve been focusing on the wrong thing …information vs. relationship, checking a to do list vs. relationship, fulfilling a role vs. relationship, etc. To know God is a constant journey. I lose steam because much like running I get lost in the day to day, week after week, month after month, year after year, journey. A journey in which I must put in the work on the good and bad days, the exciting and boring days, the painful and carefree days, the days when I want to and the days when I don’t. I could rattle off endless excuses. I get tired, I get lazy… Bottom line-I’m not always relentless in my commitment to training on my spiritual journey. Unlike running a race, there is not an end to this training. As long as I’m here I’m in training.

To know God, to build that intimate relationship, I have to move past simply the desire to know Him and move into a determination and commitment to pursuing Him. I must be relentless in my pursuit of Him.

Relentless:
showing or promising no abatement of severity, intensity, strength, or pace.

This last week I was reminded and challenged by my hubby to make sure I check my heart. God sees through everything on the surface. He sees straight through to my heart. God knows when I’m going through the motions, when I’m losing steam, when I’m getting off track. More often than not, I know it to. The question is in those moments will I choose to get back on track and truly relentlessly seek God above all else? I never want to “fake it”. This week I’m focusing on regaining focus. I’m letting many good things go (like books, podcasts, articles, music even) and focusing on simply, humbly, intentionally, relentlessly drawing near to God.

“When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.”

The Message, Jeremiah 29:13-14