Regardless...BAM.

BAM...Last Thursday morning on my drive to work, God called me out. Black and white, He put me in my place. I so needed the redirection. Sometimes it's easy to associate our "personal" relationship with God with what we know, our human friendships. So naturally it's easy to expect God to work the same way our human friendships often do. I find I do this most when it comes to times in life when I've been hurt. I get hurt, so somewhere deep inside a small quiet thought processes my relationship with God as "well, God has my back, God's on my side." It's what we often expect of our friends right? 

God doesn't work like this and He reminded me of it that morning. I was doing some reflection on the journey of life, on Matt and I's journey this last year. He gently and lovingly, but very bluntly reminded me of these things...He DOES NOT love me more then those that have hurt me. God shows NO favoritism. God loves and pursues EVERYONE the same. He reminded me that He loves those that hurt me JUST AS MUCH as He loves me. God's heart breaks at the brokenness that causes hurt in EVERYONE. Gods knows all and sees all. He is not on my side. He is on the side of bringing full life and restoration out of brokenness. He is on the side of always giving forgiveness and love. He is on the side of showing grace and mercy. He is on the side of bringing peace and unity. God is on the side of passionately pursuing the above- REGARDLESS. God reminded me that if I am in relationship with Him, I need to always be about the same- regardless.

Opening Up

Being willing to open up to others takes risk.

When you open yourself to others, the mask that you wear and the walls that you have spent so much time erecting, dissolve in an instant leaving you feeling at times very vulnerable. In our vulnerability others see our true selves, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Being vulnerable can feel like you are no longer in control of your emotions and actions, it can feel like you are being dependent on others and needing their validation, it can feel like you’ve just lept off a ledge and no one will be there to catch you. The fear of others rejecting your 'real' self is incredibly scary isn’t it?...

I am not someone who is a risk taker and not someone who automatically trusts others, partially due to how God has wired me and partially if I’m honest due to past experiences. Opening myself up to others is scary for me. I have been hurt, judged unfairly, betrayed, tossed to the side, and kicked while I’m down. I would imagine we’ve all felt this way at some point in our lives. And gut check, if I'm really honest with myself I’ve probably been the culprit of causing someone else feel this way. You probably have to (I know I know, you can’t make someone feel anything, it’s their choice, but let’s be real). The fears that build from these experiences breed insecurity and can hold me captive if I'm not careful.

In contrast, I’ve felt the joy of having someone truly love me, accept me for who I am, the good, the bad, and the ugly, in all seriousness even the really ugly. The friends that can finish my sentences for me, and know what my looks mean without words. The friends that know when I need words or a kick in the rear, and when all I desperately long for is a hug or someone to just sit with me or pray for me. In some seasons of life these friends are in abundance and in other seasons I feel entirely and utterly alone.

Opening up myself to others is a big risk, and there is much wisdom and discernment that is needed as I balance when to open myself up, with who, and how much. But here’s the deal….if I do not risk at some point, I will not experience love or friendship. Neither will you. I write this because I feel like there is so much God is currently working out in my life and teaching me...working through trust issues, forgiving hurts, letting go of past hurts, forgiving again, moving forward through fears and insecurities, learning to lean on Him as my sole refuge. I need to “sort it all out”. Here’s what I know…

* Always remember that...

“As children of God, we will never be totally alone, no matter how lonely or rejected we may feel at moments in our life.”

God knows our hearts, our needs and wants, all our fears, insecurities, struggles, hurts, etc. He is the one constant and the only one that will always be there for you and will never let you down. There is nothing more that you can do to earn His love and nothing you can do will diminish His love for you. He loves you...period. He wants to walk hand in hand with you, to hold you when you cry, to listen to you, to encourage you, to correct and guide you, to cheer for you, to give you the strength to keep going, and the courage to take risks. Trust Him...

“There is a thief that comes to steal, kill, and destroy. But I have come that you might have life, and life to the full.” John 10:10

This thief desperately and passionately works to build fear and breed insecurity within you, to keep you from experiencing the fullness and the joy God wants you to find in relationships, to keep your focus off of God’s work in your life, and to keep you from impacting others by not sharing your life. I know he’s been working intensely on me and if I’m completely honest has recently been incredibly successful at holding me captive in my fears and insecurities. God wants more for me than this. I am desperately trying to keep Him in front and seek him alone...

Be brave, take risks, open up, and sort it all out.

With Leadership Comes Great Responsibility AND Sometimes that Responsibility is Not Easy!

Matthew 18:21-35
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

This week I've been doing a lot of reflecting on life and sometimes the not so fun things, the hard and hurtful things...I've realized that I've finally moved to the stage in my relationship with God where I'm not just trusting God through these times, but intentional saying "ok God, what do you want me to learn from this, what are you trying to show me". I love seeing how God is actively working in my life and the aha moments that come up and you say "I get it now". Today I've been reflecting on forgiving others when it's not easy. Jesus' point here is that we have to continue to forgive. However, we cannot do this in our own strength. The only way we can continue to forgive someone is when we remember how much God has forgiven us. A wise friend said..."This should be our motivation for forgiving others. Because if we look at the cross and say... Wow, God did that to forgive my sin! How can I not forgive someone? It doesn't make it any easier, but it makes it possible for us to do. Because at that point our focus is not on ourselves...but on the Greatness of God!"